Wow! I actually forgot this blog even existed until I had a little reminder. My last post was in October and now a new year has began; what can I say.......GOD has been faithful.
I have an inner witness that 2016 is pregnant with glad tidings for me and so I should endeavor not to lose focus. Yea focus! this is one word/phrase God has been hammering on me. Focus and Pride likewise; in the last 2 months I have been taught and I have learnt to deal with my pride especially in marriage. The funny part is that I never knew that I had been exhibiting its character traits, thank God for His Holy Spirit in me that has guided, taught and ministered to me in/to wisdom. All thanks to Him, today I am a different and better person; some of my actions and in-actions these days even amaze me. But for the Holy Spirit, I will still be reacting to many situations in a particular manner; today, I find myself not reacting not because I can't (in flesh) but because I can't (because that would be disobedience to the Holy Spirit). I pray for all of my expectations for 2016 to come to fulfillment, I also pray for a successful/fruitful/fulfilling/purposeful/result-yielding 2016 because to be candid God's promises for me in 2016 are beyond me. I get scared because I just wonder how they will come to pass, not because they are impossible with God (far from it), but because they are impossible with just me as an individual. It is so overwhelming that I wonder what will happen if they don't materialise (God forbid), I don't even have plan B because all my entirety is into my conceived plans and I don't pray to go into depression. Spoke with people and they reassured me that God's plans are ALWAYS beyond us, as a matter of fact that is a feature of His plans for us, but I keep telling them that these my plans for 2016 are way way beyond me; and that the success of these plans determine the success of subsequent years( at least for the next 5 years). That I may know that it was indeed God that spoke to me I need my 2016 fulfilled, because as at now my life hinges on it. I can't even think of a plan B( my spirit won't even let me) because that is not faith.
Now to the main reason why I came here. You know I have always been feeling like I am not interested in marriage, well now, I sense it strongly in me that God has ordained marriage for me and you can imagine that HE is really preparing me for success and prosperity in it, both as a wife (in particular) and as a mother. In the course of the preparation (the preparation is still on o, I am still very much a work-in-progress), He made me realise that I was actually scared of submitting to my spouse and that has resulted in me being unnecessarily proud to prospects (loool, suitors i mean). I had always felt like no man could love me enough and so there was no point in giving them a try (at a point I was really planning to run far from home because they were all bugging me that they wanted to meet my fiance and that they wanted him to be a part of the family from now, little did they know that I wasn't even interested in all that; I think my sisters and even my bro's wife noticed my disinterest and started trying in their own little way to re-orientate me).
My spouse is to love me just like Christ loved the church (unconditionally), and I wonder how many guys really have this understanding ( Eph 5:25) and will follow through. With this I knew that I could never settle for an unbeliever; I have some really nice unbelieving friends that at a point I just had to distant myself from them. I knew that if our friendship continued at that pace it would have gotten worse/out of hand and I don't want my heart to be broken, likewise I don't want to break any guy's heart, besides it will only be wickedness for me to lead him on when I know that I won't marry him. (sometimes I am even tempted to say yes when I clearly know that we would have to separate in the long run because the society has made being "single" at a 18+ a disease).
But how many believers(men) really have this understanding. A lot of them just expect a woman to submit herself to her husband because the bible has commanded it, while they don't know/accept the measure to which they are to love their wives.
I was talking to one of my Egbons and he told me that he is to love his wife unconditionally; not because she deserves it, not because she is even a good wife, not because she asks for it, not because he is a lovey-dovey, not because he is a pastor, not because of anything at all but because the bible commanded it. He is going to love his wife in her bad character, her good character, her mood swings, her naughtiness, in her nobility, and in every character whatsoever; all he asks for is grace and that grace he strongly believes is already available to him, he just has to work/walk in it.
Omo I was thrilled! My thought was " why is it not me you are marrying na, why is it my sis, Okunrin gidi shi wa, thank God".
Exactly what he said is the definition of unconditional love and that is how every man is supposed to love his wife. The church did not deserve the love Jesus had for them, they didn't even submit themselves to Jesus, they didn't even appreciate Jesus, but all these didn't deter Jesus from sacrificing himself because indeed He loved us first; likewise every man should love his wife unconditionally first and not expect/demand submission first.
Personally, God has dealt with me on this issue of submission, like I said earlier He has been preparing me and now I know what is expected from me as a wife( any counter action will be disobedience) and so my fear now became "fine, in obedience to You I will submit myself to him completely, however will he appreciate my submission, will he not think me stupid/mumuish, will he not become proud himself, will he not trample on my humility". My thoughts became so manipulated that I started telling myself marriage was not worth it, it was not compulsory, besides none of the guys I knew at that point could love me unconditionally except of course a new guy came on board and I can't marry myself despite the fact that I am tending towards being self-sufficient and not needing anything from anybody.
Just as the preparatory class started, I sensed God telling me in my spirit, that He is giving me His son for a husband and I am to respect, value (appreciate) and **** him (I cant remember the 3rd one, I wrote it down somewhere sha).
"these revelations and distortions came on board when I was reading the book of Genesis".
I remember that time, I was like eeh this one You are saying "I must respect, appreciate him", what kind of man are You bringing my way? hope he is not going to be my age mate or even younger than me, hope he is not going to be poor, hope he is dark, hope he has good diction, hope he will madly be in love with me, hope he is tall, hope he is going to be this and that (before, I used to tell myself that I could only respect somebody about 5 years older than me). For me respect was in age/status/ stature occasionally.
Really I thank God for His mercy. Now that I think/look back, I wonder at how shallow minded I was then. Where is the place of age, height, complexion, stature, status, whatsoever in God's plan? God's plan is always the best for us and the enemy only manipulates our thoughts so that we can miss out on the blessings of God for us.
Yes, the enemy manipulates our thoughts. I really think that that is his greatest weapon; for me manipulation of the mind is the fiery dart and the "devices" that the bible warns us against. A lot of believers have fallen because of these manipulations, because he (the enemy) knows he cant get us to do some things ordinarily, he simply manipulates our hearts/minds/thoughts until we begin to see wrong as right and don't even see the evil/ungodliness in some of our actions; this is exactly what he did to our first father and his wife( Adam & Eve), and though we are ignorant it, he is very much still in the business of manipulating minds so we can lose out of God's blessings. My point exactly, we cannot afford to continue to be ignorant of this device because it is killing us gently.
It is just very funny that after receiving God's blessings (in most cases directly), the enemy comes disguised in our heads and manipulates our thoughts out of those blessings. You really have to be on guard because even the big pastors have fallen prey of this tactic, may God help us all.
n.b- I don't know how frequent I will be here this year because this year is packed with blessings that will keep me busy with other things, So I will use this opportunity to say happy holidays thruout 2016, have a fulfilling year!