Thursday, April 23, 2015

ah ha!

I heard something this evening. "Let every man love his wife, and all wives should submit themselves to their husbands".Okay, according to the person that was talking said every woman is mandated by God to submit herself to her husband, and this submission comes first by the husband loving her. In loving a woman, you must spend on her, respect her, cherish her and value her; bottom line you cant truly love a woman if you don't have money. Lets not be mistaken here, not having money is way different from not being financially buoyant, some guys don't actually have money and they want to have girlfriends, please how do you want to go about the relationship; won't you be calling her everyday, won't you buy her gifts occasionally, won't you pay her visits, well you need money for all that.

I heard that the best time to find out the monster in all men is when they don't have money; they just become aggressive, uncaring, withdrawn, rude. I heard of circumstances where the men started blaming their wives for their misfortune, I have seen cases where the man just becomes an unloving and aggressive stranger just because he no longer has money; when they don't have money, they become sad people and believe me "you cant give what you don't have". You can't be sad an expect to make your wife happy, you will frustrate her with your sadness which is pretty sad

Whatever happened to the joy of the Lord; is that joy now attached to having money?? Why do men in particular become monsters when they don't have money and when they have this money they want to show off. Do we still have God fearing people in this world??????

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Work it out indeed with fear and trembling

I just saw a Christian soap-opera on KAtv and here is what I deduced. Christianity is not a piece of cake at all and the warning "not all who call me Lord will enter heaven" is not a joke, it requires great diligence from you lest you fall. How do you expect God to approve of you as his child if you are still living in sin??Don't even say it is impossible to live sin free because it is. Our sins spring up from our desires and so what we center our desires on should be our primary concern. Our manual here on earth(BIBLE) admonishes us to focus our thoughts on heavenly things; and I am very sure that if you do just that, then struggling with sin would not be your testimony.

Back to lessons from the soap; please, as a Christian that has been in courtship for a while, get married if you both know that you can no longer control your sexual urges (though I'm convinced that the Holy Spirit is ever willing to help our weaknesses) rather than succumbing to fornication because believe me it is worse for a Christian. 1.) You will incur God's wrath 2.) You will be disgraced 3.) You  must face the consequences.
As a Christian, you are probably a worker in church or you are just known to be good Christian and so the day you commit a sin, after confessing to God, you have to confess to the persons that your sin would have affected and face the consequences (God help you, let it not be the whole church). So many Christians miss it when they sin, confess it to God and continue their work in church as if nothing ever happened just because they assume God has forgiven them. I think it is really wrong; you commit sin and continue to sing in choir, lead youth meetings, teach Sunday school, etc just because the anointing is still there and because you don't want anybody to view you as a sinner if you confess ; I feel sorry for you because the person that really matters(God) already views you as a sinner.
The height is the ones that take in(conceive) and commit abortion so nobody will know. In the soap, a Choir Leader lost his fiancee, who unknown to every other person had died as a result of the abortion she committed. And because of his reputation in Church, bro Kevin did not confess to anybody but continued in faith inspite of his loss(that was what other people saw; a spiritually matured bro Kevin who did not lose sight of God inspite of his loss; a bro Kevin who was worthy of emulation). This guy gave a tribute at his fiancee's wake-keep which ended with a portion of the bible which talked about people's sins catching up with them; because of the power of that scripture, an intending couple ( a chorister and a Sunday school teacher) came to his house to confess to him about their sin. They had been fornicating since 10 months ago, had aborted 1 pregnancy and were just going to abort the second pregnancy when that scripture hit them hard. Do you know that bro Kevin called them sinners and told them they needed to repent very well not partially, confess to their unit heads and pastor, and that they must keep the pregnancy.
Of course it was after that act of hypocrisy that his conscience started dealing with him. His conscience told him to go and confess to the lady's parents about the truth behind how their daughter died and he didn't. He kept on saying that he had confessed to God and his sins had been washed away. He even quoted Romans 8:1 and his conscience told him vs1 can only stand if vs4 stands( to those who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the spirit) and that is the simple truth; there is no true repentance without restitution and so bro Kevin died in an accident days after, when he was coming back from his retreat.

Another lesson learnt is about immortalising people. During choir meeting, they were praying for God to help them just the way he had been good to bro Kevin. They only saw the anointing the bro carried, and the fact that he was still steadfast after his fiancee's death and had now even gone on a personal retreat to meet with God for 7 days. They got carried away with all this and felt he must be perfect and started praying for God to make them like bro Kevin. Just the way people pray to be like Daddy Oyedepo, Daddy Adeboye, Pst Oyakilome, just to mention a few( I am not insinuating anything here tho, all I'm saying is for you to pray for who God wants you to be, not to pray particularly to be like anybody else).
Bad attitudes shouldn't even be mentioned about Christians, Imagine this lady went out on evangelism only for the person she preached to to start laughing at her."Do you think I don't know you, you that is always shouting and quarelling with people on your street, shebi you live on *** street, so you are even a Christian, better stop deceiving yourself and stop calling yourself a christian".- This was the response the person gave her and she was dumbfounded. The person just hissed and slammed the door on her face ans so if you really want to do God's work, then you must live like Christ(model for all Christians).

In summary, all I am saying is that since it is harder for a Christian to restitute, then it is better not to commit the sin in the first place. With fear and trembling, we must endeavour not to be like the world, remember we are only in the world but we are not of the world and so we shouldnt do the things the world does.. May God help us all!

Deep right, this is indeed worth pondering over!

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Top notch :D

I'm feeling very cool with myself this moment *wide smile*. So I stumbled on this wonderful piece which has helped me to know that I am not alone on this issue. You guessed right! yes, its the issue about marriages and how marriage has lost its calling. According to this write-up, Marriage was primarily introduced for man and woman to come together to help man(them both) to fulfill destiny; but today that core importance has been lost and marriage is now a far cry from what it is supposed to be. It went further to say that marriages today are borne out of selfish reasons and also to escape lust, GBAM!!

Hmmmnnnnnnn, very synonymous to my view. Lets start with the fact that only very few men know their calling and only few women can identify the men they are supposed to help; which explains the futile marriages here and there. As a purposeless man, you defnitely can't search for a purposeful woman(just because there is no purpose to start with); the best you can do is to find a well behaved girl with good looks and marry her to escape lust(thats if you are not yet indulging in it) or to join the married people's league; which are both selfish reasons.

As a woman who thinks she is well of age, you want to quickly get pregnant and give birth to your kids hopefully before you are age 30/35, and so all you can think of is any well-mannered man that will come ask for your hand in marriage/ or a marriage proposal from your boyfriend( that's to those who have boyfriends). As a man you are only ready to settle after you have had a B.Sc, an M.Sc and even sometimes a P.hd, bottom line- it is until you think you have hammered before you will start considering the idea of marriage, you are not interested in finding out if God had purposed her to play a role in your life during your B.Sc or M.Sc, all you know is that you are not ready; no wonder some ladies strategically get pregnant for their never ready guys so that he can marry them quickly... All for selfish reasons!

What can I say, God help me and God help you! May He direct us with his wisdom per time as enough justice can never be done to this topic on the screen...

Sunday, April 19, 2015


So I noticed that the previous post was getting too long and decided to continue here. Okay we were talking about how insensitivity on both parties has caused many marriages to crash. Imagine a woman will get married as a fine woman and after months/years, all in the name of marriage she will now become unattractive to her husband, some women even allow themselves to become all fat and lazy just because they are now married. The men just become something else all in the name of being the head of the family. It is the woman that will cook, that will wash clothes, that will even iron the clothes, all they do is just eat food, read newspaper, watch news/sports and demand for sex at night.

A little about myself here; I can do any domestic chore for any guy that I see as a friend. I have been to few rooms and offered to clean the dirty dishes, arrange the room, fold the clothes and I have once been tempted to offer to wash clothes, but I changed my mind because I didn't want him to start thinking of me beyond mere friendship or to even start taking me for granted (guys can really misunderstand little gestures); so you see, I can do much more for my spouse. The clause here is just that the moment you start making it look like it is your right and my duty to do those things, believe me I will stop because I have zero tolerance for being taken for granted.  The house chore I dislike the most is cleaning dirty dishes, but if I do it for you, it is because I value you. The only reason I don't use that washing machine  anymore is because I wash cleaner and faster than it, otherwise I would have been using it for my laundry ; so if I wash your clothes, please for the sake of that high regard I have for you, don't just take me for granted.

Lording over the house is not what makes you the head of the family, even Jesus said that the head should first be a servant and serve others not trample on others. They even make it look like it is your duty as a wife and their right as the husband to wash and iron for them. for crying out loud; partaking in house chores and domestic activities doesn't mean you are you will no longer be the head, Personally, it will make me cherish you the more if you can just help out once in a while!

So I stumbled on this post online; My wife does not work!
Who makes breakfast for your family in the morning- wife noni
At what time does she wake up- 5am because she cleans the house first before making breakfast
How do your kids go to school- my wife takes them to school
After taking them to school nko- She goes to the market and then goes back home for cooking and laundry
What do you do after you come back from office- Take rest because im tired due to the day's work
What does your wife do the- She prepares meals, serves the kids, serves me, cleans the dishes, tidies the house before taking the kids to bed.

and yet oo,the man thinks she doesn't work because she doesn't have money. What I hear, is that today every woman must fast and pray that she always has a gainful employment because men(husbands) are no longer generous with their monies. Not having a job and having to ask for money from him is now hell! Men these days don't even want to carry the financial responsibility of the home alone, They want to share it with their wives and so woe is unto the woman that has no job yet. So telme, what is the head about these men?? they dont want to help with domestic chores yet they want you to be contributing to the finances of the house(50:50 oo) and they still even want you to sleep with them at their will. Telme what normal woman will still be in the right state of mind after these is it even possible to still love the man in question? Why won't the marriage become sore in this state.

Finally social media, social media has spoilt many marriages/relationships today. When you people were still friends, it was online; when you started dating-it was online, when he proposed- it was online, when you got married- it was online, honeymoon- it was online. Everything is now online. There is no longer intimacy and privacy in relationships; 1000 other people are now in the relationship/marriage with you. Telme how will that relationship not go sore when everything is now in the open and there is nothing secret about it.

Saturday, April 18, 2015

still on this marriage/relationship matter

I should really be a relationship expert/marriage counselor, this topic has so far been of major interest and concern to me. I look forward to educating hundreds and thousands of people about it beginning from now and I sincerely pray to have a model courtship/marriage that will guide others in theirs.

So I mentioned it earlier that this topic has been of major interest/concern to me; and why do you think it is so? I'm aware that God ordained the first marriage ever and He meant it to last forever and as such, it really aches me when I hear/see failed marriages months/years after wedding( mind you, failed marriages are not only broken marriages; there are some people still in their husbands houses afraid of divorcing their husbands for some reason-maybe children, and they are passing through HELL in the house where there is no more love in silence). It pains me when I see/hear about depressed ladies especially(they happen to be the most affected gender in bad relationships), or when I see single mothers or couples going their separate ways.

Hmmmmnnn, how do I start now?? Okay, seek ye first the Kingdom of God and every other thing shall be added unto you....I don't want to believe that we have all failed in this because I know God's mercy is ever sufficient; I mean our flesh is weak, but God helps our mortal bodies and so we still have a lot of people who want to know Him more. Nonetheless, it is paramount to know God first, for him to give you his son and then it is again paramount for you both to know that after God has linked you both together, it is left to you to work out the success of your union together(many people especially men forget that it takes two for a marriage to stand; they make it look like its the responsibility of a woman which is utterly wrong!).

This makes me remember ***** and ****, they are not married yet but they've been engaged from day 1(they never did the conventional dating; courtship straight-up). ***** told me that God told her that her spouse(who was just a bro seeking her heart then) was his son and she should take very good care of him; and as a God-lover she had to accept His will and obey. It took me time before I knew she also referred to him as sir and called him daddy too- honestly, I was puzzled when I found out, daddy,sir, for what na? was my response after I found out. I couldn't even fathom how anybody could call her spouse daddy/sir when they weren't married yet....but **** had an understanding, he was God's gift to her and she needed to start treating him with care beginning from then, besides they had already being unified in heaven. Now that I look back, I am actually learning a lot from them. They also used to have misunderstandings, but they always dealt with them. Chai, my heart melted the day I heard her calling him Oba mi abi Ade mi and apologizing to him. I seriously had no understanding then, but that how you treat God's gift with respect and care.

But what is happening these days, r we all lost souls that God has decided to leave us to ourselves? Have we all become spiritually blind that we no longer see/hear God's plans for us per-time?? I for one, I know I have stopped dreaming (and that's 1 major way, I used to hear from God). I noticed this a decade ago; it never really bothered me until recently and I have seriously been praying about it- I pray that God will answer me soonest. Is nobody hearing from God again??because ko te ye mi mo.....what explains a sister getting married to a bro in church after he has approached her and she has committed it to God's hands, and then joy is missing in heir home months/years after??
*sigh*, I know that the church is not what it is supposed to be, which is really saddening. I just pray that in His mercy, God releases  his fresh fire upon his church, upon me, upon us all because the enemy shouldn't be mocking us.
Lest I forget, there is a force against the success of marriages, and so beginning courtship/getting married is not a time to think you have entered into your rest. You will rest when you get to heaven, meanwhile, for now it is Christiani, ma i ti wa isinmi, arin ota ni o wa. Like salvation, you have to work out the success of your marriage with serious diligence and steadfastness. I am saying it emphatically that even with God's support, it still takes "two" to make it work. As a woman, that you have married your love/best-friend doesn't mean there is no need to continuously make him to fall in love with you and woo you over and over again, and guys, men, okunrins; it is really a faux pas to have the mindset of "I have taken that bold step, I have married her, I am indeed a man, E.O.D". I have seen this mistake men make severally and the end is not good.

Okay so far, I have heard that these days days the christian guys are not any better, men are becoming less understanding and are no longer supportive and that social media is a spoiler! hmmnnnn....I think I have addressed most of these issues in the above discussion. What do people really mean by a christian guy? Is it a good guy that goes to church regularly, or one that you can see that really loves God? I stand corrected though,but I strongly believe that engaging in so many church activities does not certify that you love God in-depth. I mean, if you really love God; you will know that honoring, respecting and loving your wife is a means of doing the same unto God. You cannot claim to love God and get so tied up with church and work activities to the detriment of your relationship with your wife. I dunno if you get me, but loving God in-depth also means loving your wife too because she is His gift to you and how you handle this gift goes a long way to tell how you esteem Him. You cannot claim to love God and now commit adultery or try to make your wife jealous of your female acquaintances, you should do everything to make your wife to be praising God for bringing you her way.It really puzzles me when men get married and stop being romantic. All they want is just sex and food and this habit alone is enough to turn off any woman, I mean it is now like you just married her only for your own good; so that you can now be eating good food, so that you don't have to struggle with lust anymore, so that you can sleep with her at will, so that God being merciful, you thought can join the fathers' league (many men never carried their children, let alone change their diapers). It is no longer news that men today(Christians and pagans alike) get married for selfish reasons and not to find a help-meet that together , you both can build an umpire to fulfill your destinies.Need I remind you that if you fail in your marriage, then there's hardly a chance of you fulfilling destiny- Na hell sure pass be that!
Today we find men becoming less considerate, when you were dating, he seemed like the perfect guy but now you just don't understand the transformation. I hope you people know that you will always see others' weaknesses/shortcomings when you become closer/when you move in together and it is still God you can trust concerning him/her and that is why Oluwa must have been involved from the beginning!

christian men are not any better
social media- no more privacy, intimacy

Monday, April 13, 2015

but serzli.....

But seriously, which is harder for a female??? To be engaged to your spouse yet still having numerous admirers who will never stop admiring, and to be single while having to deal with the numerous relationship requests from guys.
Personally, I think the former is easier; at least, you have the dilemma of the choice of a spouse settled and so you can appropriately deal with all your know the ones to send off totally and the ones to renew their minds( you both will now settle for a brother-sister relationship), besides whether you are single/engaged/even married, admirers will always come.

Every single lady surely wants to leave that lane and so she already has that to worry about. The different guys that will keep telling you that they like you just compound the issue. Especially when you want a particular type of guy(God-fearing) and the guys coming around "think" they are God-fearing but you are convinced that none of them is the one. Mind it, you don't want to date a guy because he seems to like God and can speak good English nor do you want to date him because he is caring and matured, you want to date him because you have that inner conviction about him and because you can see 1000+years with him.

                      "you are still waiting for a perfect man abi; stop being a perfectionist, there is no                                   perfect person. I really hope that after refusing me now, you wont be begging me to                             accept you in later years"

Imagine a guy telling you this arrant nonsense just because you allowed him to even linger as a friend. That's the plight of single ladies with a focus; you don't want to wade off good guys that are showing interest, because you really can't tell who he is; you don't want to appear rude to them; you don't want them to feel like they are not men enough; you don't want to appear insane( because that's what you appear to be when a 3rd party is aware you are rejecting a guy deemed to be a "good-guy"; as if its just a "good guy" you want) only to get this kind of response. You cant even be honest with them when they ask about your oga 2,3,4 months later when you are still single and you know they are still interested.

This struggle about finding Mr. right tho! Let me just say it now, all because I have a date in mind to get married, I am hoping that I've met him already because before I say I do, I actually want us to have shared moments, for us to built a solid relationship with our new families, for us to have influenced each others lives greatly and for us to have recorded strategic achievements even as intending couples and I don't see me doing all these with somebody I haven't met yet; but seriously if he happens to be somebody I know already, I won't take it lightly with him for keeping me waiting all this while. #enoughsaid

Friday, April 10, 2015


Serzly ummmnnnn............... Sometimes I bother about my true state with God. I know I have accepted Jesus as my Lord and Personal Saviour, that I cannot stand somethings and that I can no longer do some things, yet I still find myself indulging in old habits. Any time I remember my favourite words or my most used words before I became a Christian, I feel I have a right standing but whenever I remember how I still struggle with old habits and how things are not the way I want them to be, I feel I have angered God and He has deleted me from His book.

Okay before I became a christian, I always started my greetings with fool,ode, mumu how are you?, it seemed perfect to me; I remember I and Ore used to have misunderstandings because of it, but I just couldn't think of a better way to greet people. And I remember that I used to tell people shut-up a lot, I and my twin bro used to have misunderstandings a lot because I was always telling him to shut up. At a point, we didn't even like each other. He couldn't stand me and I couldn't stand him too. I expected him to be telling me to shut-up too and to be calling me mumu,ode .

I really can remember how I stopped, I just know that I couldn't just call anybody stupid again. There was just this inner conviction that since I couldn't even make a teddy bear then I had no reason to qualify humans with a name God hadn't called them. Just to chip it in, I wasn't insulting those people oo, they were my friends and that was just my way of greeting them. I don't really insult people because I don't quarrel with people. Though I wasn't really a Christian before then, I always went to church whenever I was at home and sometimes in school but I was morally upright( the respect I had for my dad was enough to instill that) and so I was never ill-mannered. I didn't used to fight/quarrel/abuse strangers. It was only close peeps that I used to yab/call names.

So if I was able to stop that, why cant I stop grumbling. I grumble a lot at home and now I don't like it, I have gotten so used to it, that against my wish, I still find myself doing it. I have made conscious effort to stop it and it still hasn't stopped. I know I used to be very disrespectful  to my family members( that's the thing; I exhibit my bad habits only at home to family members)but I don't want to be disrespectful anymore; I want them to even forget that there was once a time when miibee was so rude and disrespectful. I've prayed about it severally and im trusting the Holy Spirit to help me stop.
I want to be a very respectful, hardworking, responsible and loving daughter and sister.

Why cant I stop engaging in some really distracting thoughts. Honestly, I have prayed and prayed to really stop this. I want to be thinking about heavenly things not replaying what I read in romance novels with me and my spouse as key characters in my head. I have always loved reading romance novels, watching romantic movies; my best part in movies is the kissing part. I remember University days when I first started downloading movies; if its not a romantic movie, there's no "I love you" scene, there's no kissing scene, it is not a love me jeje movie, then I won't download it. So you can imagine the terabytes of romance activities that is in my head. It has always been a habit to act this romantic scenes in my head, many at times, that has been my lullaby to sleep. Imagine sleeping off with a thought like that( thinking about it now, I wasn't living at all. I was just passing time on earth "all these wasted time") and waking up with that thought. My life was meaningless. The annoying part or should I say the good part is that I couldn't do all I did in my head in the physical; my dad would have just disowned me (my dad was the only factor that kept me morally upright before Christ took over).

Now that I claim that Christ has taken over, I still find myself reading romantic story books( I still read them but I tell myself that the books have no power over me again). Now that I have genuinely and diligently decided to stop reading them, I have found out that I still have some crazy thoughts in my head. I don't want to harbor such thoughts again, even if it will still happen in years to come; it is time wasting and I don't like the fact that it is x-rated; makes me feel like I am still indulging in sin and as such God is not pleased with me and is punishing me. I don't want to feel guilty, unclean, filthy anymore. I want to be in right standing with God; Holy Spirit help me to live pure, holy and sanctified before you.

I really look forward to living a very productive life, where I will always be up and about and  I will be deemed to be smart, sharp, bright, talented, hardworking, God-fearing, intelligent, proactive, go-getting, excellent in all doings, filled with wisdom, living like Christ.

Sunday, April 5, 2015


Actually, this is my first post in April and I delayed it this much because it is something that pierces me. So let's move! What is timidity?

     Timidity has to do with shyness and fear; not being able to embrace that which you wanted to as at when apt and guess what? it can make you end up at the back burner! 

       In no particular order, i'll be letting you in about my life as a timid person, the effects of timidity and possible solutions.

Just like any other problem, the first solution to that problem is a recognition of the problem; and so to conquer timidity, you must first recognize it for what it is (not like me who always felt I was shy and introverted whereas I was timid), desire a change, and work towards enforcing that desired change.

 "Do you know that bold teams achieve, while timid teams survive"? and that is what I have been doing since. Before, I was achieving my life, but from the moment I entered secondary school, I started surviving/enduring life. My timidity actually started when I first entered secondary school and it kept on growing trout the 6 years. It became full blown in UNILAG and though I hate to admit it, I actually wasted 4 years of my life while I was there." A little about myself here", Do you know I was the lead school debater in primary school? just imagine how the table turned around for me years later. Even when I was in Bayelsa, The only reason why none of the acquaintances I made (except Seun shotunde and Damilola) will believe that I am shy is because from the moment I entered Kaiama camp till when I passed out , I kept on telling myself everytime that "if for any reason I decided to be shy in Bayelsa, then something must be wrong with me. Well that worked to an extent because I was able to talk to people, make friends, be myself but the thing is I didn't address the real problem because I didn't know it then. I wasn't just shy, I was timid and at that point I wasn't aware. But honestly, as much as I enjoyed Bayelsa, I wish I handled so many matters differently but no! I handled the matters timidly.

Timidity makes people stagnant; they live in their complacent world, never aiming or seeing the big picture life offers. Timid people never go far in life; they end up languishing in their comfort zone  with regrets as a result of the fear to reach for that which they never aspired to reach.  My sister has once said it that I am not proactive, neither am I spontaneous. Until recently, I was hardly enthusiastic about anything, while in school and Alliance francaise; honestly, I was just passing time. I had no dreams/goals, I had no focus, I had no plan for the future, I wasn't purpose driven 1 bit because I had no purpose. I hardly had friends, I lost touch even with my QC friends, I was conveniently dwindling academically, I scarcely had friends, I was a shadow of myself, I was barely living- I had no idea of who I was, it was like I was under a curse/spell, maybe I actually was because I have no other explanation. You know I always felt I was shy/introverted, but when I started seeing other people who also felt there were shy but they were making exploits, that was when I started guessing my situation was beyond mere shyness and funny enough I once looked up the meaning of timidity in my dictionary but on reading it, I started rejecting it " I remember saying timidity is not me portion, I am only shy and I will get over it, I will never be timid ( I think that was either after school or during NYSC)

I was so timid that I never wanted anybody to see me reading books, I was always in bed faking sleep (that is why people that know me will always say I love sleep)- the more annoying part is that I took this attitude with me to my P.P.A, back then in school after giving my life to Christ, I was so timid that I always wanted to be invisible both in class and in fellowship, I never became a worker in any of the fellowships I attended not because I wasn't interested in working in God's vineyard but because I was too shy to stand up to indicate interest or show commitment. At AF, I had no friends; I will get there before class starts, seat in a secluded place, plug in my earpiece and leave immediately after lectures, I wasn't even friends with one person! Yes my earpiece, my earpiece was my saving grace I always had it plugged in, sometimes when I wasn't listening to anything because my eardrums were beginning to ache, I would still leave the earpiece in my ear to feign busy mode. I remember when Mayowa accosted me to know why I liked being a back bencher/ invisible, I cant remember how how friendship ended but I know that just like others he began to think I was snobbish, saucy, empty and proud.

Do you know one of the worst things that can happen to somebody??? it is people telling you that you are smart and intelligent or that you are bold and can talk(asin you are blunt) or people telling you that you have a very great/powerful personality whereas you cant face strangers, you cant even mentor your younger acquaintances/preach the gospel, you can come out to meet new people or even very old friends, you can't even stand up to pay your tithe in church( it is only general thanksgiving you are willing to stand up for), you do all you can for you not to look good/attractive, you think very low of yourself and decide to look tacky so nobody will compliment your looks; once you leave the fore-walls of your room/house, your heart just starts to beat heavily. This was my life. People that new me from primary and secondary school felt I was on first class standing or minimum of 4 points
whereas I was shuttling between 3rd class and 2:2 and so I had to diligently avoid this people, the first time my dad was disappointed in me was when he found out my true academic standing; I had been lying him all along and after becoming born again I couldn't continue lying. That was my first blow as a new convert, I remember crying and praying to God to touch my dad's heart to forgive me. When he passed on I found out that he still prayerfully wished that I finished with a first class (i'm crying now, I hate the fact that I disappointed him, he tried so much for me, it was really beyond me, I didn't have any power over myself then, something was working against me; I promise to make him very proud of me someday, I promise).

Timidity causes one to lose friends and meaningful contacts. Till tomorrow I still hope to reconnect with Mayowa and Debo and that we can be very good friends. Debo's "Do you hate me" still haunts me. It feels like he asked me that question just yesterday, was I that bad?. I know a lot of people felt I was a terrible snob and that I was stupidly proud and so they just disliked me when they saw I wasn't ready to talk to them, but it feels worse when somebody I now respect asks me if I hate him( that guy made 1001 attempts to talk to me, I just didn't give him face and he only just wanted to be friends, it wasn't like he was chiking me). And Mayowa- I know I offended that guy. He tried his best; at least to the best of his knowledge and he would have been my best friend, he really wanted to bring out a good in me, I just decided to frustrate him. Yes, I was that bad :( "i'm sorry".

Timidity embarrasses people and makes them appear unintelligent and dumb. You cant imagine what happened to me in my first interview ever( that was last year). I had passed stage 1(test and I was now in the interview stage. When the interviewer was asking me questions, I was just misbehaving. I just embarrassed  myself in that interview, I couldn't even talk or say anything sensible. I didn't need a soothsayer to tell me I wasn't going to get the job, I knew it already, it was glaring. I had appeared dumb aand unintelligent and no employer would have hired me.

In order not to compound your regrets, the time to start dealing with timidity is now! Tell it to the Holy spirit, Never accept defeat, Always try something new, exercise your faith in God everytime- timidity is an absolute opposite of faith, Initiate conversations with people, smile a lot, be loving and caring, engage in activities upon activities, list your strengths and thank God for them- stop concentrating on your weaknesses/failures- find your passion, be productive per time, psyche yourself- learn to speak and act confidently, endeavour to always appear neat and dress very well- looks go a long way in building confidence , always hold your head up- look at people eye to eye- practice good posture, stand tall- especially if you are short like me,-  learn a a new skill- learn something that nobody else knows so you would have something to offer, get informed, ask more, talk more- you can start with talking to yourself, but move to talking with people- stop holding conversations only in your head, be committed and diligent, and think highly of yourself- hold on to God's opinion about you, work on building a positive self-image and then stop focusing on yourself, learn to focus on helping others, believe me focusing on helping others works much more than you can fathom.
Yes, overcoming timidity is a struggle/battle and so you have to push yourself, come out of your comfort zone, do the opposite of what you have been doing, put yourself out there- you won't be shot for trying, stop being quiet- let your voice be heard and lest I forget, never compare yourself to others; if you have been doing it before now, stop it this moment!- ( I have not gotten over it yet, I am still working on it, but I know that by God's grace I will see the end of it and hinestly I cant wait, I yearn to live a productive life and to have a good grasp of it).

Always remember 2 Tim 1:7- For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline; stop being afraid of what others will think about you, don't be a man-pleaser and it will end in praise/testimony.

in my mind's eye

So I'm wondering, do believers really have a good reward on earth?? Maybe that's not really the question, but what I am driving at is "what explains the reason why it always appears that unbelievers at the only ones flourishing"?

Okay, God doesn't think the way I think; but this is really puzzling. While we were in school, believers and unbelievers had equal chances alike. It was more of a " if you cant work your way up, then be diligent" kind of thing. Fair enough! What happened after school, I found out many people started working after school and that's before commencing NYSC and they were earning cool cash and building their CV. Initially I thought it had to do with finishing with good grades; I was surprised to find out that even 2:2 and 3rd  class graduates alike were working in reputable organisations too.

When NYSC finally came, while we were flung here and there; so many people redeployed so as to allow them continue working where they were and today while I am yet to have 1 month experience, they are celebrating 1 year/2 years work experience with a reasonably sized account balance to show for it and it gets me wondering again, doesn't it pay to be street smart in securing your future???

After NYSC nko?? People like me that couldn't redeploy/ couldn't redeploy to desired locations started job searching. Telme, what explanation do you have for 2 friends who went to the same school, were in same class, they are best friends and now they are colleagues? What of 2:2  and 3rd class graduates working in organisations that do not accept below 2:1? Does it really pay to "wait for it, tho it tarry". Everyday, Tinuke's bbm update floods my mind; her update meant that when she had struggled to get to the top, those who waited for it will be staggering after her. And again I am wondering, should a believer be mocked for trusting God to get an appointment letter one day to resume work??

What of marriage, have you noticed that believers do not get married young?? That's a recent observation tho and I stand corrected! In my church for one; 3 of our Sunday school female teachers are still unmarried( I don't know if they are more than 3, but I am sure of these 3) and the more puzzling part is that the youngest of them should be 28/29 and they are not even in courtship yet. Today the pastor shared the testimony of a 51 year old classmate who was just getting married for the first time and I was like WTH! I don't like that. She even went further to say she took 2 church sisters with her( 39 and 42) to the wedding to encourage them not to lose hope. But seriously, I don't understand why....should it be this way for believers. These are the things that make unbelievers think that their lifestyle is better-off whereas it should be the other way round. Our reward should not only be in heaven, it should start from earth.

Finally, about fruit of the womb. I know it is God Almighty that gives this gift and I wonder why a woman who got married as a virgin would wait so many years before conception; not even with a single miscarriage. And then an unbeliever abi a church goer( I have been using unbeliever since, but I actually mean church goers; because Christians of today prefer to be living their lives as they please, and still go to church just so that they can hide under the canopy of being Christians) will start sleeping with her spouse once they start dating and then she gets pregnant. These days, it is pregnancy that makes many men marry; they are comfortable, they can take care of a family, they are just not responsible enough or bold enough to ask hers to marry hims; and so once their girlfriend says she is pregnant, it gives them boldness to start wedding plans.
And to what end is this whole chastity thing and keeping the bed undefiled if a believer would have to be in tears after marriage? Have you even noticed that these unbelievers get married early (I am speaking for females here) and they get married to rich guys too( getting married to a rich guy is not my target tho).

Should being a believer be a thing of reproach? Does being a true christian have anything to do with living a mediocre life?? Does living as a true christian mean you are only on earth to endure and work out your salvation with tears and worries? Does being a believer mean that you are not entitled to living a happy life other than the inner joy of eternal life?? Honestly, there are contacts I have been avoiding since I finished secondary school; but I want to reconnect  with them and I don't want to feel like they are living better lives, rather I want them to see that I am equally doing and looking well and that I have something that they do not have.

In my opinion, I feel that the inner peace/joy believers have, should be a plus and not be the sole thing we hold onto. Unbelievers should see us and turn to God because of what they can see in us. Believers should live in prosperity, and yes I mean prosperity not riches and lets see if an unbeliever will not want to try out our God. What's the essence if at age 29, I am not yet engaged and all my sexual hormones are already activated and I find myself struggling not to entertain the idea of fornication in my mind, whereas my mates that dated while in school are comfortably and happily married with 2/3 children. How on earth will I even want to attend our secondary school reunion party? Can I face people this way?? I don't even have a serious job yet; is this life??