Wednesday, May 6, 2015

I am proud to be a female, especially now that I know my place is not in the kitchen

The popular scripture about wives submitting to their husbands as in Col 3:18, 1 Pet 3:1, Eph 5:22 is one of the misconstrued scriptures, because today a lot of people have understood it to be "having no identity as a woman". I know that when God was punishing Eve, He said that her desire shall be for her husband only which makes perfect sense in submission, but doesn't mean she is now his slave. Thinking of it now, I now understand why a woman desires her husband so much and is ever ready to please him, whereas all a guy ever thinks of is sex.

In my opinion, I feel we are in a dispensation where the Holy Spirit is available to direct our actions  as Christians and so customs and traditions should not dictate how you head your home especially in this 21st century. So what point am I trying to drive down? That a woman desires to see her husband look good and so she washes and irons his clothes from time to time or that she desires him to look healthy and so cooks food for him regularly so that he can eat well and be healthy or that she desires him so much that she pleases him in bed, adores him and begs him even when he is the one at fault doesn't make a woman a slave/less than a man/a tool.

It pains me when I hear statements like a woman's place is in the kitchen or when I hear guys that can't wait to get married so that they can finally start eating good food (please what kind of mindset is that; Personally I feel coming into marriage with that kind of mindset is the beginning of challenges(let me not say doom) of that marriage). The one that pains me the most is when I see men who pursue education first (B.Sc, M.Sc and P.Hd) and start bugging you for marriage because they think they have arrived, they have gotten all the necessary degrees and the next is relaxation. These kind of men want to get married within 6 months of courtship not minding whether you are still in school, still serving or yet to complete your education because in their mind; having somebody to cook them good food, wash their clothes, satisfy their sexual urges and start bearing and nursing babies is the next thing in line for them. It is really painful to be seen/perceived as a tool for pleasure/comfort, it is demeaning, it is wrong, above all it is a sin because that is not how God ordained it. He made us equal and different to complement each others weaknesses.

I was sharing the anger in me with a brother that was testifying about how he found his wife in the youth fellowship with my sister this evening. When somebody asked him where she was at that moment, he proudly answered that she was in his house preparing food for him; telme is that not the most disrespectful/humiliating thing to say about a wife and that came from a 2-time youth president. I once heard about what happened between a husband and his marriage counselor; this man had gone to meet the marriage counselor to complain about how his wife was causing problems for the marriage because she was not performing her duties as a wife. The husband in question is a school teacher who married a banker. He knew she was a banker before he proposed and married her, even after the wedding they agreed she should keep the job because it generated a good source of income for the family. Now he is complaining that his wife leaves home early and comes back late, that she starves him (because he always waits for her to get home by 10pm to prepare food for him whereas he gets home by latest 6pm) and that she denies him sex. He was now saying that he had been condoning her bad habit for long and he could no longer take it again.  The counselor simply told him that he was the principal course of the issues in his marriage and that he needed to work on himself asap.

I will say it till tomorrow, that even if God specifically mentions it that Tunde and Remi are destined for each other, it still takes effort from them both to make their union successful. Why should any man say the kitchen is the place of a woman and so she is the only person that should be cooking morning, afternoon and evening to the extent that you still expect your wife who gets home by 10pm because of Lagos traffic to start preparing food for you to eat by that time. Just in case you are still clueless about what will happen next, she will go to bed once she serves your food because she will be so tired and you will be very offended because you would have been expecting some action that night. Plainly said, it is not fair! It was in the olden days that out of idleness and desires for their husbands, women used to cook before they come back from the farm. Remember that then, women never used to go to the farm- their men never allowed it because they felt women were too fragile for farm work and so women being that they were always at home did everything in the house just to keep themselves busy and also to appreciate their husbands hard-work.

Today, times have changed. Women now have a career, they work different jobs to earn a living, they don't sit at home again else they are pregnant, men do not even like it when their wives don't have jobs and so you don't expect that woman to still be performing domestic duties at the pace the older woman did. Women still desire their husbands even much more these days but we all want supportive husbands; Personally, I want a man that can do domestic things; one person cannot do all the domestic chores in the house na, haba be considerate!; it is important that you as a man help me out with the domestic chores in the house from time to time. In my own view, it doesn't make you less of a man, rather it will make me value and love you the more because I know I have a supportive husband who always has my back. That is why so many women get house-helps to ease the stress while women like me who don't want house-helps pray for God's mercy and grace and I know that I won't take him for granted because the Holy Spirit will always keep me in check, I will always be submissive to his leading. I want to always look and be beautiful to my husband not old, stressed-out and grumpy.
Have we even noticed that most failed marriages begin from frustration on both sides, and frustration begins from little little things that cause lack of fulfillment in the home. Do you think there is any right thinking woman who doesn't want to love her spouse, please him at all times and be the reason behind his happiness?I doubt there is! And so it pains every woman when she is unable to meet her perceived duties as a wife and you as a husband is not helping matters, rather you are pointing out her deficiencies to her whereas you are even to blame because it takes 2 to build a home it takes 2 to tango, it takes 2 to start and raise a family and it takes 2 for you both to be successful. All those people who blame mothers for the waywardness of some children are just clueless because it takes 2 to have responsible and godly children....we all are familiar with the popular saying that behind every successful man there is a woman and vice versa.

From another angle, I feel a woman wields much more power than a man, afterall she was that powerful that she was able to talk Adam into eating the forbidden fruit and that "submission rule" was only in a bid to humble her not to ridicule her as society has adopted. Women are never to be ridiculed, rather we should be revered. Today if all women decided to ignore men, Prostitutes and respectable women alike, believe me men will be dead; they actually can't survive without women so why make her feel less whereas she is invaluable. By ignoring I don't mean just in sex, I am talking of care,love and concern; men will not survive it. Besides a man's success or failure as well as his fulfilling purpose lies in the hands of a woman whether he is naturally zealous and ambitious or not; please telme how do you explain it that somebody who wields this much power is a slave/a weaker gender??
 I just feel such a person should be appreciated and supported at all times not enslaved and exercising authority over, we are too delicate to be abused and taken for granted besides WE ARE NOT TOOLS/OBJECTS OF PLEASURE, biko!

n.b- while growing up I always wished I was a male because of the respect accorded to the male gender, but today I am happy and grateful that I am a female because I know who I am and because I have an identity in God; it feels really good to know that God deemed me fit and able to mother many nations and to ensure the success of my help-meet here on earth, and so all women are a blessed gender even if it is just because they gave birth to a generation. I K.O.B am an invaluable woman with worth, dignity, purpose, skill and intelligence just as designed by God and so again, I am saying that I am happy and blessed to be a female.
Have you ever wondered why it is that when secular people want to curse/ bless a person they always send it on his/her mother; it is because the success of a home/the success of the children lie with the mother of the house and one unpopular truth is that the success of a wife/woman lies with her husband and so the importance of a help-meet can never be overemphasised. Mind you I said help-meet not spouse, anybody can be a spouse but it is only somebody that has the Holy Spirit enthroned in his/her life that can be a help-meet.
 It is all inter-woven; A is responsible for the success of B, B is responsible for the success of A, both A&B are responsible for the success of Cs and so none is more important than the other. That we are wired differently doesn't make either of us inferior/superior, we are both spirit-man and God's standard for judging us is the same because we are the same/equal before him so why have we been troubling ourselves since sef?
Treat us well, govern us well, police us well, pamper us well and don't look sideways (looool)

my tiny voice :(

I randomly want to voice out. Okay, before I really did not like my voice, later I started liking it and currently I am beginning not to like it. As a matter of fact, I really don't like it again. It is very saddening that even when I try to harden my voice, its softness eventually comes out.

Thinking now, I should have just taken the advice of a friend's friend who advised me to take weed back in those days (just joking, but I'm serious too). I honestly want to sound convincing and matured not like a jambite. It is only when people take the pain to hear what I have to say that they realise I am not that young.

Coupled with my petite stature, lots of people think that I am still a teenager and it is very annoying. It is more annoying that younger friends feel that they are older and try to even act like they are actually older than you. The most annoying part is that people don't take you serious; for my kind of person you are likely not to know when I am angry because somehow somehow I never sound angry and that's why I had to devise the method of silent treatment. Now it is only when I am giving them attitude/ keeping to myself/ giving them one word answers/ ignoring them that they start guessing that I am not happy with them
Tope is a very very typical example, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh! I wish I could beat him up

Monday, May 4, 2015

God mercies kept me, so I wouldnt let go

So I just recapped my  visit to OAU which afforded me the opportunity to see some QC friends and I have been able to reflect on how far God has kept me. I also discovered that I have been a shy person since pry school days, just that I had potentials which always announced me first, but the reverse was the case from my senior secondary school days especially till I completed my University education- well that is by the way!

As a QC girl, everybody later became aware that I was a scholar material and a maths guru too and this helped me become popular and to have many friends. Well, I wasn't a Christian then so it  wasn't difficult for me to blend well, start breaking rules, flouting orders and being rude. But something I just realised is that though God allowed me to live life my way, he was always watching over me and kept me from taking some drastic actions; I do not know why He did it but now that that I can see, I am very grateful that He did. I said something unknowingly "that it was when I started blending with others that I began to enjoy school" which got me thinking much later.

I remember when I bailed out of school in between the WAEC exams. I was bored in school and I had just one more paper to go (further maths) but it was 3/4 days away and so I disguised as a day student (I was a boarder) and left school to stay with a friend. I learnt some lessons which shaped my life a bit from that day.
Lesson #1- Never to bail out of school again:- This was the major lesson I learnt that day and so I couldn't even leave school during NECO exams though it was boring and lonely in the boarding house but mehn, I bore my cross that period. I was stranded when I bailed out of school during WAEC. My friend eventually didn't come to pick me that day and I had to sleep in another friend's house that stayed in Yaba because I couldn't go back to school again- I dint want to put myself in trouble. Before I finally called up the other friend at about to 12 am, I was still on the road and I was very scared especially because many guys were still on the road and I could have been raped/harassed (they finished playing the Chelsea-Arsenal match while I was on the road).
Lesson #2- Never to go to a club again:- Though nothing particular happened to me in those clubs, something happened just as I was coming down from the taxi; I slammed the door against my finger. I don't know how it happened, I just know I slammed the door against my finger, blood gushed out from it and my finger nail broke(you can just imagine how painful it must have been). As if that was not enough, whether it was stolen or I lost it, all I know is that I didn't return to my friend's house that night with my phone.
      To crown it all, I now fell ill and I was vomiting and stooling. Finally when I got back to school on my exam day I felt very somehow- I knew I wasn't ready 1 bit but I went in trusting on my maths skills. when the results finally came I had A1 in mathematics and F9 in further maths (the only stain to my result). When NECO came I wasn't still serious and I had the courage to absent myself from account exam though I was in school. When the result finally came, I was so happy that they put dash (-) against it for me because I was able to lie that it was NECO that made the mistake when I was explaining it to my dad..

God kept me even in Uni,in spite of my exposure and my kind of friends. He allowed the spirit of timidity to suppress me and like it or not, as evil as that spirit was, timidity is actually the reason I didn't take some drastic action. Believe me everything that has a disadvantage also has an advantage(and vice versa) and that is why it is always important to thank the Almighty regardless of the situation you might be facing.
All I can say is thank you Lord. Being the Alpha and the Omega, you who knows my future and who knew that some actions will mar my kind of person for life kept me back from taking them. Am I not blessed?? To have had the mercy of the most high even when I was swimming in Sin

I am not a hater tho

yaaay we are in May, all glory to God! I just remembered something that propelled to write this post which centers on courtesy-ing contacts (loool). After the words "I Love you", I think "you/he/she are/is my friend" are the next abused/misused words. How do some people manage to title every body they know "a friend" and how do some people manage to have new best-friends everywhere they go; as my twin brother will say "they aint loyal".

Starting with the latter, I don't think it is possible for you to be having best friends at different points of your life if you know what you are doing; especially when it is not like the previous one died. I mean maybe it is possible, but it is not logical for a right thinking person. A best-friend is a bff (best friend forever); I have seen people change best-friends like they are changing clothes and I wonder, whatever happened to the forever part in your case? It is no news that it is impossible to remain in one place/spot/level all your life and so you will be meeting new people are different times, but the ability to maintain a very good relationship with your friends irrespective of time and distance is one of the many things I feel makes an individual beautiful.
You don't even have to necessarily title anybody best-friend. Just have a group of best buddies and chill till you have a spouse then he/she will be your best friend, shikena!

Now to the matter of those that like to call everybody friend. Seriously, I am not a hater, I just find it rather somehow when you call acquaintances friends. Till tomorrow, some contacts will never proceed beyond that acquaintance lane so leave it that way. The fact that you once knew somebody or you have met somebody before doesn't make him/her your friend; for me friendship is too sacred and special to generalise like that. It pisses me off when I hear "Oh her, yes I know her, she's my friend" from you and from her I hear" oh that lady, yes I remember her, we were level mates in school" no strings attached. I honestly believe that you can relate to my displeasure.
Please henceforth do well to differentiate them especially if you are gisting with me :*