The popular scripture about wives submitting to their husbands as in Col 3:18, 1 Pet 3:1, Eph 5:22 is one of the misconstrued scriptures, because today a lot of people have understood it to be "having no identity as a woman". I know that when God was punishing Eve, He said that her desire shall be for her husband only which makes perfect sense in submission, but doesn't mean she is now his slave. Thinking of it now, I now understand why a woman desires her husband so much and is ever ready to please him, whereas all a guy ever thinks of is sex.
In my opinion, I feel we are in a dispensation where the Holy Spirit is available to direct our actions as Christians and so customs and traditions should not dictate how you head your home especially in this 21st century. So what point am I trying to drive down? That a woman desires to see her husband look good and so she washes and irons his clothes from time to time or that she desires him to look healthy and so cooks food for him regularly so that he can eat well and be healthy or that she desires him so much that she pleases him in bed, adores him and begs him even when he is the one at fault doesn't make a woman a slave/less than a man/a tool.
It pains me when I hear statements like a woman's place is in the kitchen or when I hear guys that can't wait to get married so that they can finally start eating good food (please what kind of mindset is that; Personally I feel coming into marriage with that kind of mindset is the beginning of challenges(let me not say doom) of that marriage). The one that pains me the most is when I see men who pursue education first (B.Sc, M.Sc and P.Hd) and start bugging you for marriage because they think they have arrived, they have gotten all the necessary degrees and the next is relaxation. These kind of men want to get married within 6 months of courtship not minding whether you are still in school, still serving or yet to complete your education because in their mind; having somebody to cook them good food, wash their clothes, satisfy their sexual urges and start bearing and nursing babies is the next thing in line for them. It is really painful to be seen/perceived as a tool for pleasure/comfort, it is demeaning, it is wrong, above all it is a sin because that is not how God ordained it. He made us equal and different to complement each others weaknesses.
I was sharing the anger in me with a brother that was testifying about how he found his wife in the youth fellowship with my sister this evening. When somebody asked him where she was at that moment, he proudly answered that she was in his house preparing food for him; telme is that not the most disrespectful/humiliating thing to say about a wife and that came from a 2-time youth president. I once heard about what happened between a husband and his marriage counselor; this man had gone to meet the marriage counselor to complain about how his wife was causing problems for the marriage because she was not performing her duties as a wife. The husband in question is a school teacher who married a banker. He knew she was a banker before he proposed and married her, even after the wedding they agreed she should keep the job because it generated a good source of income for the family. Now he is complaining that his wife leaves home early and comes back late, that she starves him (because he always waits for her to get home by 10pm to prepare food for him whereas he gets home by latest 6pm) and that she denies him sex. He was now saying that he had been condoning her bad habit for long and he could no longer take it again. The counselor simply told him that he was the principal course of the issues in his marriage and that he needed to work on himself asap.
I will say it till tomorrow, that even if God specifically mentions it that Tunde and Remi are destined for each other, it still takes effort from them both to make their union successful. Why should any man say the kitchen is the place of a woman and so she is the only person that should be cooking morning, afternoon and evening to the extent that you still expect your wife who gets home by 10pm because of Lagos traffic to start preparing food for you to eat by that time. Just in case you are still clueless about what will happen next, she will go to bed once she serves your food because she will be so tired and you will be very offended because you would have been expecting some action that night. Plainly said, it is not fair! It was in the olden days that out of idleness and desires for their husbands, women used to cook before they come back from the farm. Remember that then, women never used to go to the farm- their men never allowed it because they felt women were too fragile for farm work and so women being that they were always at home did everything in the house just to keep themselves busy and also to appreciate their husbands hard-work.
Today, times have changed. Women now have a career, they work different jobs to earn a living, they don't sit at home again else they are pregnant, men do not even like it when their wives don't have jobs and so you don't expect that woman to still be performing domestic duties at the pace the older woman did. Women still desire their husbands even much more these days but we all want supportive husbands; Personally, I want a man that can do domestic things; one person cannot do all the domestic chores in the house na, haba be considerate!; it is important that you as a man help me out with the domestic chores in the house from time to time. In my own view, it doesn't make you less of a man, rather it will make me value and love you the more because I know I have a supportive husband who always has my back. That is why so many women get house-helps to ease the stress while women like me who don't want house-helps pray for God's mercy and grace and I know that I won't take him for granted because the Holy Spirit will always keep me in check, I will always be submissive to his leading. I want to always look and be beautiful to my husband not old, stressed-out and grumpy.
Have we even noticed that most failed marriages begin from frustration on both sides, and frustration begins from little little things that cause lack of fulfillment in the home. Do you think there is any right thinking woman who doesn't want to love her spouse, please him at all times and be the reason behind his happiness?I doubt there is! And so it pains every woman when she is unable to meet her perceived duties as a wife and you as a husband is not helping matters, rather you are pointing out her deficiencies to her whereas you are even to blame because it takes 2 to build a home it takes 2 to tango, it takes 2 to start and raise a family and it takes 2 for you both to be successful. All those people who blame mothers for the waywardness of some children are just clueless because it takes 2 to have responsible and godly children....we all are familiar with the popular saying that behind every successful man there is a woman and vice versa.
From another angle, I feel a woman wields much more power than a man, afterall she was that powerful that she was able to talk Adam into eating the forbidden fruit and that "submission rule" was only in a bid to humble her not to ridicule her as society has adopted. Women are never to be ridiculed, rather we should be revered. Today if all women decided to ignore men, Prostitutes and respectable women alike, believe me men will be dead; they actually can't survive without women so why make her feel less whereas she is invaluable. By ignoring I don't mean just in sex, I am talking of care,love and concern; men will not survive it. Besides a man's success or failure as well as his fulfilling purpose lies in the hands of a woman whether he is naturally zealous and ambitious or not; please telme how do you explain it that somebody who wields this much power is a slave/a weaker gender??
I just feel such a person should be appreciated and supported at all times not enslaved and exercising authority over, we are too delicate to be abused and taken for granted besides WE ARE NOT TOOLS/OBJECTS OF PLEASURE, biko!
n.b- while growing up I always wished I was a male because of the respect accorded to the male gender, but today I am happy and grateful that I am a female because I know who I am and because I have an identity in God; it feels really good to know that God deemed me fit and able to mother many nations and to ensure the success of my help-meet here on earth, and so all women are a blessed gender even if it is just because they gave birth to a generation. I K.O.B am an invaluable woman with worth, dignity, purpose, skill and intelligence just as designed by God and so again, I am saying that I am happy and blessed to be a female.
Have you ever wondered why it is that when secular people want to curse/ bless a person they always send it on his/her mother; it is because the success of a home/the success of the children lie with the mother of the house and one unpopular truth is that the success of a wife/woman lies with her husband and so the importance of a help-meet can never be overemphasised. Mind you I said help-meet not spouse, anybody can be a spouse but it is only somebody that has the Holy Spirit enthroned in his/her life that can be a help-meet.
It is all inter-woven; A is responsible for the success of B, B is responsible for the success of A, both A&B are responsible for the success of Cs and so none is more important than the other. That we are wired differently doesn't make either of us inferior/superior, we are both spirit-man and God's standard for judging us is the same because we are the same/equal before him so why have we been troubling ourselves since sef?
Treat us well, govern us well, police us well, pamper us well and don't look sideways (looool)