Sunday, September 14, 2014

cant get ova it

yea i cant get over it...had this funny feeling while i was in school(17/07--01/08),I just knew something wasnt alright. Finally I know what was wrong,my dad's gone. Every  time I remember the last time I saw him or heard his voice(17/07/2011),tears fill my eyes....cant get over the fact that I will never see him again on this earth. Never even new there was this strong communication btw my dad and I though we were close but to think of how my mind was not at rest all the time I was in school,how all that flooded my mind was that I wanted to talk to my daddy , know now for sure that there was a strong coommunication btw us.

Monday!,i cried my eyes out that day. i remember busayo and oddie telling me my eyes were so swollen and that i shouldn't cry any more. geez!! our communication was soo strong that by Monday i was no longer restless, i was drowning in tears; i needed to hear his voice. my brother just told me that daddy was hospitalised and will soon be discharged, and i never even knew he was sick, I just knew i wanted to talk to him so bad; For crying out loud, daddy never fell ill talk-less of getting hospitalised, so how did it happen this time around??? something told me that was not the truth and that I was never going to see my daddy again, i tried my best to reject that voice, until I lost my willpower and broke out in tears. i remember i cried walking from chapel to moremi. i honestl rili dunno how come i didnt pass out that day, yea ino why! Oddie and Busayo poured water on me just when i was beginning to feel dizzy and at my request they took me to the shower, I had to soak my head and clothes in cool water . i cried strength out of me that day;the rili sad part was that i couldnt say what was wrong, i couldnt confess it to others, it was just one grave feeling i couldnt handle and I couldnt tell anybody I had a feeling my daddy is dead when nobody had told me so.   i miss you daddy gidigaan.
                                                                 i wote the above post 3 years ago                                                                                                  
Now this is me three years after saying i miss you daddy...
though i seldom cry now(about 2 weeks back i was fighting the tears from flowing), i miss you as ever....i think i miss you even more. I just feel that somehow somehow if he was still here, things would had been different; not that things have not been great.....God has been more than faithful and awesome in taking special care of us which helps me believe that my daddy is in heaven with HIM. However, there is nobody to jump on(he was a tall man with a short daughter hence the jumpings), nobody to give playful punches on the tummy(we were that close and i just loved doing that to him, twas an habit i developed from creche days...). just like every normal pair of "best-buddies", we too used to have our misunderstandings...after which we would front for each other until we eventually reconciled; he was one person i never wanted to fail/disappoint/ get angry, my hero.... je se manque beacoup ;(.   i remember that whenever people overheard me talk to him on phone, "are you for real?,that was your dad, i thought it was your boyfriend/ brother/ friend" was the eventual reaction i mostly got. he was my first-love, my darling, in his lifetime he beat me only once and i was the cause, he indulged me, he believed in me, he was one person i never wanted to fail/ disappoint, i looked up to him a whole lot, my mentor, my best-friend.

He unintentionally set standards for my next ''best-friend" and that is why i cant take some things from so many guys. peep this! he was my "best-friend" and i was his "queen"---these were our pet names for each other. this is why i cant tag just anybody "best-friend" regardless of how close we might be.....that mantle is to be passed to my heartthrob, sweetest-heart, darling, truest love and better-half. believe you me, the thought of him excites me :), because you can bet he will be a package of awesomeness and i know that he will be greater than my dad. i remember i once told somebody (about a year back that; i have nobody now but i know he will be a great guy). so my husband will be/is my better-half and my best-friend.

Adieu mon pere,
je t'aime beaucoup, maintenant et toujours....tout de mon avie; je vais toujour t'adore

I promise to make you very proud some day. I know I have been a mess, I have made so many mistakes in my short life and I have disappointed you quite a number of times, but as long as Christ tarries and in His mercy grants me my heart desire, I will make you proudest of me once again

Sun reee!!!!!!!!

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