Sunday, April 5, 2015


Actually, this is my first post in April and I delayed it this much because it is something that pierces me. So let's move! What is timidity?

     Timidity has to do with shyness and fear; not being able to embrace that which you wanted to as at when apt and guess what? it can make you end up at the back burner! 

       In no particular order, i'll be letting you in about my life as a timid person, the effects of timidity and possible solutions.

Just like any other problem, the first solution to that problem is a recognition of the problem; and so to conquer timidity, you must first recognize it for what it is (not like me who always felt I was shy and introverted whereas I was timid), desire a change, and work towards enforcing that desired change.

 "Do you know that bold teams achieve, while timid teams survive"? and that is what I have been doing since. Before, I was achieving my life, but from the moment I entered secondary school, I started surviving/enduring life. My timidity actually started when I first entered secondary school and it kept on growing trout the 6 years. It became full blown in UNILAG and though I hate to admit it, I actually wasted 4 years of my life while I was there." A little about myself here", Do you know I was the lead school debater in primary school? just imagine how the table turned around for me years later. Even when I was in Bayelsa, The only reason why none of the acquaintances I made (except Seun shotunde and Damilola) will believe that I am shy is because from the moment I entered Kaiama camp till when I passed out , I kept on telling myself everytime that "if for any reason I decided to be shy in Bayelsa, then something must be wrong with me. Well that worked to an extent because I was able to talk to people, make friends, be myself but the thing is I didn't address the real problem because I didn't know it then. I wasn't just shy, I was timid and at that point I wasn't aware. But honestly, as much as I enjoyed Bayelsa, I wish I handled so many matters differently but no! I handled the matters timidly.

Timidity makes people stagnant; they live in their complacent world, never aiming or seeing the big picture life offers. Timid people never go far in life; they end up languishing in their comfort zone  with regrets as a result of the fear to reach for that which they never aspired to reach.  My sister has once said it that I am not proactive, neither am I spontaneous. Until recently, I was hardly enthusiastic about anything, while in school and Alliance francaise; honestly, I was just passing time. I had no dreams/goals, I had no focus, I had no plan for the future, I wasn't purpose driven 1 bit because I had no purpose. I hardly had friends, I lost touch even with my QC friends, I was conveniently dwindling academically, I scarcely had friends, I was a shadow of myself, I was barely living- I had no idea of who I was, it was like I was under a curse/spell, maybe I actually was because I have no other explanation. You know I always felt I was shy/introverted, but when I started seeing other people who also felt there were shy but they were making exploits, that was when I started guessing my situation was beyond mere shyness and funny enough I once looked up the meaning of timidity in my dictionary but on reading it, I started rejecting it " I remember saying timidity is not me portion, I am only shy and I will get over it, I will never be timid ( I think that was either after school or during NYSC)

I was so timid that I never wanted anybody to see me reading books, I was always in bed faking sleep (that is why people that know me will always say I love sleep)- the more annoying part is that I took this attitude with me to my P.P.A, back then in school after giving my life to Christ, I was so timid that I always wanted to be invisible both in class and in fellowship, I never became a worker in any of the fellowships I attended not because I wasn't interested in working in God's vineyard but because I was too shy to stand up to indicate interest or show commitment. At AF, I had no friends; I will get there before class starts, seat in a secluded place, plug in my earpiece and leave immediately after lectures, I wasn't even friends with one person! Yes my earpiece, my earpiece was my saving grace I always had it plugged in, sometimes when I wasn't listening to anything because my eardrums were beginning to ache, I would still leave the earpiece in my ear to feign busy mode. I remember when Mayowa accosted me to know why I liked being a back bencher/ invisible, I cant remember how how friendship ended but I know that just like others he began to think I was snobbish, saucy, empty and proud.

Do you know one of the worst things that can happen to somebody??? it is people telling you that you are smart and intelligent or that you are bold and can talk(asin you are blunt) or people telling you that you have a very great/powerful personality whereas you cant face strangers, you cant even mentor your younger acquaintances/preach the gospel, you can come out to meet new people or even very old friends, you can't even stand up to pay your tithe in church( it is only general thanksgiving you are willing to stand up for), you do all you can for you not to look good/attractive, you think very low of yourself and decide to look tacky so nobody will compliment your looks; once you leave the fore-walls of your room/house, your heart just starts to beat heavily. This was my life. People that new me from primary and secondary school felt I was on first class standing or minimum of 4 points
whereas I was shuttling between 3rd class and 2:2 and so I had to diligently avoid this people, the first time my dad was disappointed in me was when he found out my true academic standing; I had been lying him all along and after becoming born again I couldn't continue lying. That was my first blow as a new convert, I remember crying and praying to God to touch my dad's heart to forgive me. When he passed on I found out that he still prayerfully wished that I finished with a first class (i'm crying now, I hate the fact that I disappointed him, he tried so much for me, it was really beyond me, I didn't have any power over myself then, something was working against me; I promise to make him very proud of me someday, I promise).

Timidity causes one to lose friends and meaningful contacts. Till tomorrow I still hope to reconnect with Mayowa and Debo and that we can be very good friends. Debo's "Do you hate me" still haunts me. It feels like he asked me that question just yesterday, was I that bad?. I know a lot of people felt I was a terrible snob and that I was stupidly proud and so they just disliked me when they saw I wasn't ready to talk to them, but it feels worse when somebody I now respect asks me if I hate him( that guy made 1001 attempts to talk to me, I just didn't give him face and he only just wanted to be friends, it wasn't like he was chiking me). And Mayowa- I know I offended that guy. He tried his best; at least to the best of his knowledge and he would have been my best friend, he really wanted to bring out a good in me, I just decided to frustrate him. Yes, I was that bad :( "i'm sorry".

Timidity embarrasses people and makes them appear unintelligent and dumb. You cant imagine what happened to me in my first interview ever( that was last year). I had passed stage 1(test and I was now in the interview stage. When the interviewer was asking me questions, I was just misbehaving. I just embarrassed  myself in that interview, I couldn't even talk or say anything sensible. I didn't need a soothsayer to tell me I wasn't going to get the job, I knew it already, it was glaring. I had appeared dumb aand unintelligent and no employer would have hired me.

In order not to compound your regrets, the time to start dealing with timidity is now! Tell it to the Holy spirit, Never accept defeat, Always try something new, exercise your faith in God everytime- timidity is an absolute opposite of faith, Initiate conversations with people, smile a lot, be loving and caring, engage in activities upon activities, list your strengths and thank God for them- stop concentrating on your weaknesses/failures- find your passion, be productive per time, psyche yourself- learn to speak and act confidently, endeavour to always appear neat and dress very well- looks go a long way in building confidence , always hold your head up- look at people eye to eye- practice good posture, stand tall- especially if you are short like me,-  learn a a new skill- learn something that nobody else knows so you would have something to offer, get informed, ask more, talk more- you can start with talking to yourself, but move to talking with people- stop holding conversations only in your head, be committed and diligent, and think highly of yourself- hold on to God's opinion about you, work on building a positive self-image and then stop focusing on yourself, learn to focus on helping others, believe me focusing on helping others works much more than you can fathom.
Yes, overcoming timidity is a struggle/battle and so you have to push yourself, come out of your comfort zone, do the opposite of what you have been doing, put yourself out there- you won't be shot for trying, stop being quiet- let your voice be heard and lest I forget, never compare yourself to others; if you have been doing it before now, stop it this moment!- ( I have not gotten over it yet, I am still working on it, but I know that by God's grace I will see the end of it and hinestly I cant wait, I yearn to live a productive life and to have a good grasp of it).

Always remember 2 Tim 1:7- For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline; stop being afraid of what others will think about you, don't be a man-pleaser and it will end in praise/testimony.

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